I love Chicago.

silly things about romance

Not that I DON’T want to date

but I’m so frazzled by that topic. 

Especially right now, when I have no “game” whatsoever, and I tend to second-guess every single thing that I do. Even my own existence at this point. 

Been almost TWO YEARS MAN. Judging from the TV I’ve been watching lately (which I’ve never done before, what has college done to me?!), adults can’t even stand a month without bangin’ somebody. 

Oh well, it’s only the first month.  

College

College is quite fun!

Honestly, I sort of had low expectations. I mean, on top of the being-banned-by-my-mother-from-attending-art-school-in-NYC thing, I was SO not looking forward to attending a college in the middle of nowhere. I mean, being 15 minutes from Sacramento is not something of which to be proud. Davis is a cow town, and I was so totally not into the smell. In fact, I’m still not into it; it permeates the campus like one would see the odor of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies waft in cartoons, except it doesn’t smell like chocolate chip cookies at all. 

Other than the smell, I am soooo. Digging. Davis. My floormates are UBER cool and SUPER nice! They all have something interesting that distinguishes them from other people. For example, Jack is the poli-sci major who always looks like he’s high, Knight I feel like has a thing for our chem TA hahaha, Maria is my Mexican equivalent (she’s blonde on the inside, I just know it), Danny is Jewish and plays the blues like a motherfucker, Saumit is just awesome, Nikolaus is like every race and plays basketball like a boss, John Motherfucking Tagum is self-explanatory, Briana is an angel for always letting me in the room when I forget my card, and Austin reminds me of Clint, both musically and sort of personality-wise (someone’s a bit more talented though). 

Then there’s all the other people I’ve met on campus that have made my experience wonderful so far! Vanessa is my new baby girl, UNGH! We met so randomly too -  on our way for free PEARL TEA!!! It must have been fate that we became friends in such a way. She’s also in the band-uh, likes looking at stars, and enjoys many other things that I enjoy. It’s so easy talking to her, I can’t help but think fondly of her and her unfortunate leg. She hurt it while jumping up and down at band retreat, silly girl! 

I’ve also gained an internship on like the second week of school. It’s for CALPIRG, the student-run organization on campus that works to solve social issues like saving the oceans, fighting global warming, raising energy efficiency, and such. I’m in the Energy Service Corps (ESC) with Manny as my leader who coincidentally is also very intimate with Milpitas as he has family there. How cool! Ricky, our hired organizer, is so inspiring with her passion for things CALPIRG-related, as well as all the other leaders like Lance, Donna, CJ, Roseanne, and James. People work so hard and pull in a ridiculous amount of hours for their internships. I’m trying to average 10 hours a week and I am already finding that difficult. 

There’s lots more that I could say but I’d rather take a shower right now. I just pulled an all-nighter and I smell kinda funky. Not as funky as the walking milk jugs in the fields right next to my dorm though. 

Pillows concert.

I don’t want to forget this day, so this written record should compliment my pictures well. It was so much fun. 9/7/11. 

Clint came to pick me up and forced me to pick clothing that made me look more Japanese. Jerk. We met up with Kevin at the Fremont Bart station. A ride on the Bart to UC Berkeley allowed a visit to Diana. SO MUCH FUN. She showed us her dorm, which is super girly ahem, and took us to the top floor of her residential hall to see the amazing view of the bay. We had to go into the fire escape in order to get a glimpse; it was a breathtaking view all thanks to a breathtaking girl. From just one location rose San Francisco, Oakland, and of course, the sprawling, glittering bay. We then journeyed to the music room and played piano. We took spinning pictures and planked. Because we’re all such mature college students, right. I wish I could’ve met the vivacious floormates across from her room, Diana makes them out to be such fun. 

After, we walked her to class and after embarrassing her in front of her classroom, we met up with Darren. My goodness, that boy is just the embodiment of Berkeley hospitality. He called me a mermaid and then proceeded to laugh at me. That’s right. And then took us on a harrowing hike around campus, which included slipping by a receptionist so we could sneak into the underground library, stuffing our faces on Bancroft, and trudging along to the clock tower which is, unfortunately, currently being renovated, and so we couldn’t climb to the top. Maybe a good thing, because I saved two dollars.

After walking ol’ Darren to class, we met up with Greg and ate lunch. He was nice enough to pay for our food. I was FAMISHED by that time to the point where my stomach hurt, and so I couldn’t really talk, but Kevin and Greg seemed perfectly fine chatting. Clint took pictures of us eating. He caught my ugly mug in the middle of orgasm’ing on my portobello and eggplant burger. Attractive, I know. 

The delicious lunch over, my group finally started for San Francisco. We arrived at Civic Center bart station and while waiting for the others (James, Tim, Jennifer, and Ferly) to arrive, I got some nice shots with the SFPD. And Clint eating my hair…. but anyway, everybody finally reunited, and gosh, it was such a great feeling. Everyone just joked jauntily and merrily, we were just excited to be in the city together. Tim greeted me by molestation as usual. Post-Walgreens-run-because-Clint-needed-batteries, we all strolled to Slim’s where the concert was taking place. OH! And we met up with Kris O and some of his SFSU friends, that was wicked. The boy made it after all. 

The group parted at Slim’s of course, with Tim and James leaving to have their own adventure as they didn’t have tickets. The rest of us finally entered the venue. Immediately upon entering, light fled from our surroundings and we entered a dark and exciting new world. The place was packed, people were constantly bumping into each other. We somehow made it to the merchandise table and all of us but Jen bought a Pillows t-shirt. The faces around us were most fascinating to watch; people had blue hair, piercings, shaved heads, and colorful costumes. People of all kinds were stoked to see the Pillows, just like us. 

The first opening band, All Ages, came on around 8, and woooow, they were INTERESTING. LOL. Of course, fast guitar-driven rock exploding from speakers expertly placed to deafen delicate ears and that cause tremors to shake the room is always interesting, but the bassist from that band was just OMG. He was this tall Asian bassist with a foot-long mohawk lined up in three spikes who liked extending his bass from his hips like a ding-dong while the audience strummed it. He also took off his shirt. Anyway, they had a lot of energy which I really liked, and also they played a song which was written from victims of the recent Japanese disasters. That’s amazing. 

The second opening band, the Noodles, took way too long to come onstage after All Ages, so the audience was restless and a little pissed once they finally came on. I was definitely one of the less appreciative audience members, and so it took a while for me to let my annoyance go and admit that the Noodles made extremely catchy music. They had less energy than the previous band, what with the bassist standing stiffly onstage and the lead singer being a bit hard to hear at times. However, Miss Lead Singer did say, “I like San Francisco very much” between songs enough to make her kinky. 

I have to insert a description of the audience here. All right, I’ve been to Lollapalooza, and I’ve been to a Voxtrot concert, but seriously, the crowds there can’t match up to the plain weirdness that happened at this concert. Lollapalooza was crazy, but in a different way; people there weren’t feeling each other up where everybody could see the nastiness; nobody wore a pig mask just for the sake of freaking people out; and there definitely was no Kenny K-EXACT-LOOKALIKE in the crowd. I met a Felipe who had experience with Pillows concerts before and an Aaron who had orange hair. Jen and I suck at taking stalker photos but you can’t stop us forces of nature from stalking cute guys. But in all seriousness, THAT DRUNK GIRL LOOKED LIKE SHE WAS GONNA HAVE AN ORGY. 

When the Pillows finally, finally, f i n a l l y came on, my group thought we only had about fifteen minutes to listen because of the last BART train leaving soon, and so I think our limited time was magnified by our anxiety. Everything was overwhelming: the bright, neon spotlights, the delicious, soul-baring rock from my childhood, the crazed audience jumping up and down sharing body heat. My whole group was in an ecstatic frenzy, not giving a damn how we looked, for we just so, so awestruck by the Sawao Yamanako and the Pillows actually performing before our unworthy selves.  I hated leaving, I barely registered stumbling after Jen while our group rushed out of the venue. 

7 blocks to the station. Nonstop running. Heavy breathing. Images already becoming memories swallowing all other thoughts, we just made the 11:00 train to Fremont. The looming sadness was halted only by the exhilaration of at least having gotten to hear a couple complete songs. I think I was also reassured of my love of the Pillows for they completely exceeded my expectations, although the increased admiration also ensured greater disappointment. Needless to say, in the end, I could only feel grateful that I had friends with whom I shared this ordeal. 

When we arrived in Fremont, we had to wait for James and Tim who caught a later train due to miscommunication. After a quick run to Walgreens, we picked up the two losers and drove home. 

I love my friends. They’re the best. Without them, I know I wouldn’t have enjoyed the Pillows as much. Maybe 98%. Oh what am I saying. 

YESSSSSS.

Uh, David Fincher + Daniel Craig? In GWTDT? It’s too amazing. I think the world will explode when this comes to theaters on December 21, 2011.

Of course I would ditch my dad for you

We haven’t spoken for over a year.

Since it’s not good to bottle things up, well…

Sometimes, I really hate myself. I wish it weren’t so, but I usually wallow in self-disgust when my emotions get the better of me.

I become rational again after a while when I catch myself, because, well, of course I know that I actually have it pretty good. I’m lucky, I truly am. I am always grateful that I live in America and I have the opportunity to go to college and I have friends and family who care about me and I have all the great loves of my life with me like music and art and books.

See, I’ve cheered myself up again! I caught myself, and thank goodness for that too, because it’s really draining being depressed.

I usually delete posts like this after I’ve written my thoughts down. No matter how hard I’ve tried to maintain a blog in the past years, I just can’t seem to post anything private. Well, I’ll let this one slide.

I know what I have to do. I just have to change this aspect of myself, and my life will be much simpler and tolerable. I want to be a more reasonable person, a more caring person, a better person.

Yaaaay.

How pleasant it is to be at home when it’s raining surrounded by family. 

Anyway, I’ve fallen … deeply … deeply in love. With the movie 2046. Oh my god.

It’s been quite the ride. At first, after hearing dissenting comments on the movie, my excitement level was, well, appropriately lowered. Perhaps that was for the best, because the movie just blew all my expectations away. 

It’s so, so lovey, wow. I can hardly breathe when I think about it. Wong Kar-Wai is such a magnificent filmmaker. Every moment is a product of his visionary talent, a tribute to his love of film. 2046 is lush and romantic, dramatic and heartrending. It’s no action flick; it’s a life flick. The movie allows its viewers to form their own opinions on the protagonist’s personality by observing his relationships with other characters. His journey is painted in scenes breathtakingly restrained and beautiful. And need I mention the soundtrack? Actually, that’s when I knew I was in love; after listening to the soundtrack multiple times and re-imagining the scenes from the movie, I knew that there was no hope for me left. Oh, it’s such a wonderful movie! I feel so warm and content inside ^__^. 

Rhode Island’s Belcourt Castle

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